Marriage Cultivation and Male Responsibility: Adjusting Marital Relationships and Participating in Family Planning

3. Cultivating Marriage and Adjusting Marital Relationships. In the tide of reform and opening up, Eastern and Western cultures have both merged and clashed. Amidst the development and changes in various social thoughts and moral concepts, the changing concepts of marriage have been significantly impacted. Marriage and family are two closely related but fundamentally different concepts. Marriage is the starting point, foundation, and basis of family. The marital relationship formed through marriage is the most important relationship in the family and its core. However, marriage primarily refers to a pairing relationship, a special social relationship between two people, namely, the spousal relationship. The family, on the other hand, is an organized social union, encompassing not only the spousal relationship but also parent-child relationships and other kinship relationships. Therefore, the family is the basic organizational unit and cell of society. Consequently, the family cannot be merely seen as an extension of marriage, nor can marriage be equated with the family. Historically, my country has valued family, but viewed marriage merely as a means of perpetuating the family line. Freedom of marriage and marriage based on love are concepts proposed only in modern times. The feudal marriage system not only harmed women but also prevented men from developing healthily. Pursuing a marriage based on love and achieving sexual satisfaction within it is an absolutely legitimate demand. Moreover, it is beneficial to the health of both men and women. The current problem is that, due to the long-standing influence of the feudal marriage system, we generally do not understand or value the cultivation of marriage. Marriage is a union of two sexes based on love. Feelings are a variable factor; vows made before marriage cannot guarantee the enduring nature of love after marriage. Therefore, marriage needs cultivation, and it requires careful cultivation from both men and women. The core of marriage cultivation is the continuous adjustment of the marital relationship, especially during several key periods: such as the honeymoon period, the period of childbirth and children's education, middle age, and the early stages of retirement. Careful adjustment of the marital relationship is necessary to maintain and prolong the love between husband and wife. In my work consulting at the "Women's Hotline," I have found that among the marriage and family issues consulted, the most common problem is "extramarital affair," primarily involving men, though women also experience it, but in a minority. There are also some sayings circulating in society, such as "Men with money become bad, and women become bad to get money", "Love new things but not old, be charming but not vulgar", "Keep the red flag at home, and have colorful flags flying outside", etc. "Keeping a mistress", "having a mistress", and "being a kept woman" have become fashionable for a time. There are also people who "play with prostitutes" and "go to prostitutes". The emergence of these situations not only affects men's health and harms women, but also seriously impacts marital relationships and the marriage system. The reasons are very complex. In addition to the influence of feudal remnants and decadent capitalist ideas, I think there is also a fundamental problem: the lack of sex knowledge and sex education, as well as long-term sexual confinement and sexual ignorance. This problem is closely related to men's health. In my consultations, I have met two men who were deeply troubled by extramarital affairs, which made them physically and mentally exhausted, affecting their health and work. Therefore, men must get rid of the trouble of "extramarital affairs" and strive to cultivate a harmonious, happy and fulfilling marital relationship. To this end, men should pay special attention to the following in marital relationships: (1) equality between husband and wife and overcome all kinds of male chauvinism; (2) tolerance and inclusiveness. Marriage is the union of two people, a man and a woman. Due to differences in upbringing, education, etc., there will inevitably be many differences in personality, hobbies, ways of thinking, and ways of handling things. Therefore, after you get married, you should try to adjust and adapt. However, as the saying goes, "It is easier to change mountains and rivers than to change one's nature." It is difficult for one person to change the other. Therefore, couples must be tolerant and inclusive in order to have a harmonious and happy family life. (3) Mutual love, mutual help, and mutual assistance. Marriage is a contract. At the wedding, a vow is often made, saying, "I am willing to marry so-and-so, whether she is rich or poor, healthy or sick, I am willing to love her and accompany her, and I will love her forever." This vow is reflected in the daily life of the couple as mutual love, mutual help, and mutual assistance. Especially in the fast-paced and competitive modern life, the interaction, mutual love and care, and mutual support and assistance between husband and wife are very important for the health of men. (4) Adjusting the sexual life between husband and wife. This is closely related to the feelings between husband and wife and their physical health.

(5) Participate in family planning. Family planning is an important policy and measure in my country, and it is very important for families. It should not be thought that contraception is only the wife's responsibility. We also need to change the concept of valuing sons over daughters. Men's serious participation in family planning will make the couple's sex life harmonious, enhance their feelings for each other, and make their love last. At the same time, it will also bring joy and happiness to family life.

4. Population aging necessitates care for the elderly within families. By the end of the 20th century, my country had entered an aging society. In 1999, the population aged 60 and above nationwide had reached over 10%, with some large cities experiencing this even earlier. Beijing entered the aging city category in 1997, and by 2000, its elderly population reached 1.88 million, accounting for 14.6% of the city's total population. In terms of life expectancy, it was only 35 years at the beginning of the People's Republic of China. According to the "1998 Population" statistics published by the China Statistics Press, the average life expectancy in my country in 1998 was 71.2 years, with 69.39 years for men and 73.11 years for women, making it one of the countries with the fastest-growing average life expectancy in the world. The characteristics of my country's population aging are: rapid onset and speed, and asynchronous development with economic growth. Many developed countries entered an aging society after achieving economic development, while my country is currently still in the primary stage of socialism and is a developing country. Respecting and caring for the elderly is an excellent part of my country's traditional culture. The "feedback model" of parent-child relationships has fostered a tradition of family-based elder care in my country. Coupled with my country's socio-economic development, family-based elder care remains the primary mode of care in the country. Currently, the proportion of younger elderly people in my country is relatively high, and the aging process is accelerating rapidly, with my country expected to enter an aging society by 2015. Family-based elder care currently faces many challenges. In cities, it's common for children to be too busy with work to care for their elderly parents. While healthy elderly people can care for themselves or each other, and even help care for their working children or grandchildren, problems arise when they become ill or frail and require care. Traditional Chinese custom dictates "raising children to provide for old age," placing the responsibility of supporting parents primarily on men. However, young people, especially men, are often busy, and daughters tend to be more attentive to their parents. The saying "raising daughters is worse than raising sons" circulates in cities. In reality, however, Chinese men's filial piety towards their parents has not disappeared; the song "Come Home Often" resonating with so many people is powerful proof of this. The increasing demand for elderly care puts greater pressure on men, and society needs more men who are physically and mentally healthy and responsible towards their families.

5. The demand for care, upbringing, and education of only children is increasing. Currently, the vast majority of urban families in my country are single-child families. Parents bear a greater responsibility for raising and educating their children. However, we currently face many problems in the upbringing and education of only children. For example, the atmosphere of "hoping one's son becomes a dragon and one's daughter a phoenix" is prevalent in families; there are too many misconceptions in educational concepts and methods. Especially due to the fast pace of urban life, working parents, particularly fathers, do not have enough time to care for their children, and many fathers rarely see their children; there is an increase in intergenerational families, where grandparents live with their grandchildren, and so on. Professor Fei Xiaotong particularly emphasized the importance of "dual-system upbringing" of children. Real life also fully demonstrates the important role of fathers in children's education.

All of this demonstrates that families need healthy, positive, and responsible men. Families care about men's health and are also interested in the development of research on men's health issues.