8. Mutual understanding of marital sex life and the wife's physiological changes

Understanding things to keep in mind for couples' sex life

1. Taboos in men's sexual life

A harmonious sex life is essential for couples, playing a crucial role in enhancing their relationship and maintaining a happy family. However, some men lack basic knowledge about sex and act roughly, resulting in unnecessary harm to their health. So, under what circumstances should men avoid sexual activity?

① It is not advisable to have sexual intercourse when fatigued.

The fatigue mentioned here refers to excessive fatigue, encompassing both physical and mental exertion. Examples include consecutive all-nighters, prolonged periods of heavy physical labor, or returning home from a long trip. When excessively fatigued, both mental and physical energy levels are noticeably low, affecting sexual function and making intercourse less enjoyable than usual. Forcing sexual activity at this time will only exacerbate fatigue, hindering the recovery of physical and mental strength. Frequent occurrences of this can potentially lead to frigidity and even an aversion to sex.

② It is not advisable to have sexual intercourse after drinking alcohol.

This is a valuable lesson learned by the ancients. The *Neijing* (Inner Canon of Medicine) states, "Taking wine as a beverage, taking recklessness as the norm, engaging in sexual activity while drunk, exhausting one's essence with desire, and dissipating one's true energy... therefore, one declines in health by the age of fifty." These theories fully reveal the harmful effects of sexual intercourse while intoxicated. For newlyweds, sexual activity after intoxication, if resulting in pregnancy, is extremely detrimental to the health of their offspring. This is because excessive alcohol inhibits the vitality of reproductive cells and can cause adverse changes in the structure or number of chromosomes.

③ Sexual intercourse is not advisable in the early morning.

This is the best time for studying and exercising. If you have sex in the morning, your energy won't be restored, and you'll feel dizzy, lightheaded, and lethargic all day. Plus, sex requires a quiet environment. Therefore, it's generally considered best to have sex at night before bedtime, and then go to sleep and rest afterward.

④ It is not advisable to have sexual intercourse when ill.

Generally, sexual intercourse is not advisable for either spouse when they are ill. This is because their physical condition is compromised during illness, and intercourse can hinder recovery. This is especially true for certain infectious diseases, which should be avoided until cured. For example, men with bacterial urinary tract infections should wait until they are cured before resuming sexual activity to avoid increasing the risk of their wives contracting the disease.

2. Taboos regarding women's sexual activity

① When there is no desire

There are certain differences in the timing of orgasm between men and women during intercourse. Therefore, husbands should avoid being hasty or rough, but rather be gentle and courteous, offering their wives plenty of caresses, affection, and guidance to create a good emotional foundation and achieve harmonious sexual relations. However, if a wife is unwilling to have sex for some reason, the husband should not force her excessively, lest she develop a rebellious attitude. He should also pay attention to the "sexual signals" his wife gives, maintaining mutual understanding, cooperation, and respect.

② When the environment is unfavorable

Couples should engage in sexual intercourse in a secluded and quiet environment. Having sex in crowded housing, with several generations living in one room, or in a noisy and chaotic environment can negatively impact the mental state of both partners; it can also interfere with successful intercourse and cause erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and lack of pleasure in men.

③ Wife's menstrual period

During menstruation, the wife's uterine lining sheds and bleeds, leaving wounds on the surface of the uterine cavity. Additionally, the vaginal acidity decreases due to the neutralizing effect of menstrual blood, weakening its ability to defend against bacteria. If intercourse occurs during this period, it can not only increase menstrual flow and prolong the menstrual period, but also cause endometritis, pelvic inflammatory disease, and other complications. The man is also more susceptible to urinary tract infections.

④ Pregnancy before and after pregnancy

The early stages of pregnancy are the primary period for fetal development, as the fetus is still developing and not yet firmly established in the mother's uterus. Sexual intercourse during this time can easily lead to miscarriage, as uterine contractions during intercourse can also cause this. In late pregnancy, especially before labor, the uterus is highly sensitive. Direct external stimuli can easily cause sudden, strong contractions, potentially inducing premature birth or postpartum hemorrhage. It can also lead to umbilical cord compression causing intrauterine distress, and even fetal asphyxiation and death.

⑤ Postpartum

Generally speaking, it is safer to have sexual intercourse 42 days after conception. After an abortion, sexual intercourse should be avoided for at least one month.

Understanding your wife's physiological changes

Due to the differences between men and women, their entire bodies differ significantly. As a husband, being familiar with and understanding certain physiological characteristics of his wife, and offering understanding and support for the physiological changes she experiences at different stages of her life, can greatly strengthen the bond between husband and wife. What physiological changes should a husband be aware of in his wife? Simply put, there are three points:

1. Before and after menstruation

Due to physiological characteristics, women experience vaginal bleeding approximately every month, a fact husbands are aware of. However, they may not be aware of certain mental and psychological changes women experience during menstruation. This often leads to arguments between husband and wife, which can recur throughout the menstrual cycle. Physiologically, a woman's estrogen levels fluctuate significantly a few days before and after each menstrual period. These hormonal changes often cause various abnormal phenomena in her mental state. Many women experience noticeable personality changes; some feel fatigued and unable to perform household chores as usual; others exhibit anxiety, depression, reluctance to speak or socialize; still others lack interest in entertainment and leisure; and many more become irritable and prone to outbursts. If husbands are unaware of these changes and understand that these abnormalities are due to physiological characteristics, they may fail to be considerate and understanding of their wives' feelings and emotions at this time. This can lead to constant arguments, especially when opinions differ, gradually cooling the initial passion and replacing it with mutual blame, resentment, suspicion, and hatred. If husbands understand their wives' menstrual cycle and are willing to be understanding and forgiving, conflicts can be resolved during the menstrual period.

2. After childbirth

After childbirth, women inevitably experience significant physiological and psychological changes. Due to postpartum rest, nutrition, and the processes of pregnancy and delivery, most women experience a series of changes in their physique and body shape. These include melasma (butterfly-shaped pigmentation) that appears from early pregnancy and is difficult to eliminate; clumsiness and a bloated figure due to excess nutrition and fat accumulation in the hips and waist; and fatigue and aging caused by excessive breastfeeding and round-the-clock care for the infant. All of these can cause a young married woman to lose her former charm and allure. At this time, busy and mundane housework replaces the intimacy between husband and wife, and sleep and exhaustion replace the deep conversations of the past. Husbands should be fully aware of these changes in their married life, especially their wives', and be adequately prepared. They should offer boundless praise, understanding, and consideration to their wives who toil tirelessly through sleepless nights to raise their children and who have paid the price of blood and flesh for childbirth. They should share their wives' burdens and show their love through actions and achievements.

3. Around menopause

Almost everyone undergoes a series of physiological changes before entering old age, completing the transition from middle age to old age. This is what we commonly call menopause, and the various abnormal phenomena that occur during this period are called menopausal syndrome.

Menopausal syndrome can occur in both men and women, but women are several times more likely to be affected than men. The main symptoms include discomfort, chest tightness, general weakness, fatigue, nightmares, insomnia, and loss of appetite. Symptoms can be varied and numerous. However, the most common and prominent changes are in personality and mood. Therefore, husbands should understand these physiological characteristics of their wives and offer understanding and care when they experience these symptoms, helping them smoothly transition from middle age to old age and supporting them through menopause.

How to achieve sexual harmony

After marriage, couples need not only economic and cultural life, but also sexual life. A harmonious sex life not only satisfies the sexual desires of both partners but also benefits their physical health. Scientific research has confirmed that moderate and harmonious sexual activity can increase testosterone secretion in men, enhancing sexual activity. Simultaneously, due to the effects of testosterone, it strengthens muscle development and improves bone marrow's hematopoietic capacity. During orgasm, the heart rate increases, and blood circulation improves, delivering nutrients throughout the body, which is highly beneficial. For women, normal and regular sexual activity can increase ovarian function, regulate menstruation, and women who achieve satisfactory sexual experiences may have smoother, more radiant skin and more abundant energy.

To achieve harmonious sexual relations, couples should first understand the physiological differences between men and women. Men generally have a stronger, more intense libido, and experience rapid sexual arousal; even slight sexual stimulation can excite them. Women's libido is relatively slower, and sexual arousal is related to the menstrual cycle, with higher libido around ovulation and before menstruation. Men experience sexual arousal quickly, but their desire also subsides quickly, while women's arousal is slower than men's. Men's libido is primarily focused on their reproductive organs, and once they reach the excitement phase, they are eager for intercourse. Women, on the other hand, have broader and more complex sexual interests, requiring their husbands' caresses, kisses, teasing, and whispered words. They only desire intercourse after their libido has reached a certain level. Therefore, understanding these physiological characteristics is an important prerequisite for couples to achieve harmonious sexual relations.

A harmonious sex life requires mutual respect, equality, consideration, care, and tacit cooperation from both partners. A husband shouldn't only be tender and affectionate during intercourse, but should consistently be affectionate and loving, communicating their feelings regularly. Shared affection and genuine love are essential for a harmonious sex life. The man must avoid being impatient and rough, and should never prioritize his own sexual desires over his wife's wishes. Similarly, the woman should not consider satisfying her husband's sexual desires as her duty and thus reluctantly comply.

Adequate preparation before sexual intercourse is crucial. The husband should give his wife advance hints, and both partners can use various methods to arouse each other's desire. The husband, in particular, should take advantage of the fact that women's libido develops slowly and their erogenous zones are broad, using methods such as verbal stimulation, kissing, and touching her erogenous zones (breasts, nipples, inner thighs, labia majora and minora, clitoris). Intercourse should only proceed when the wife is highly aroused and vaginal lubrication is present. Satisfaction is more likely to be achieved when both partners are in a state of intense sexual excitement. The more meticulous and passionate the preparatory process, the stronger the desire in aroused in each other, the more pleasure both partners will experience.

Once sexual activity begins, both partners should focus on experiencing pleasure and avoid discussing anything unrelated to sex. Lack of focus can affect sexual arousal, especially talking about unpleasant topics. It's crucial that the wife avoids expressing dissatisfaction, scolding, or complaining about her husband, as this can lead to sexual dysfunction. A wife's tenderness and consideration will stimulate her husband's desire, resulting in a harmonious and enjoyable sex life.

When both partners are satisfied, the man should not immediately end sexual contact after ejaculation. He should continue to talk to his wife and caress her until his sexual desire has completely subsided and he feels comfortable, tired, and sleepy. Only in this way can sexual life be full of harmony.